In America, about every 13 seconds a couple divorces.
That’s over 46,000 divorces a week. That’s a tidy sum of legal billing hours for the attorneys involved. Adding to the financial pain is the emotional trauma for the family of any couple going through that process summed up into two words. It sucks!
Here’s what you need to know:
Most marriages can be saved and worst case, improved.
How do I know? I have been working with couples to resolve relationship challenges for seven years, and so far have not had one couple divorce. In my experience, people simply don’t know what to do to sustain love and passion in their relationships. Who would have taught you how to deepen the connection in your marriage? Who demonstrated to you how to resolve conflicts in minutes? Who showed you the important things to avoid doing? Who gave you the key ways of sustaining passion?
Our role models matter because we know that children of divorce have much higher rates of divorce when the ultimately marry. How many of us want the day to day marriage happiness of our parents? What will be the legacy of your children?
In my opinion divorce is easy because we make simple mistakes unknowingly that devastate the relationship.
In my new book The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, The Only Guide You Will Ever Need to Making Love Last, I write about 7 Breakthrough Strategies that work immediately to resolve conflicts and to improve any relationship, no matter how hopeless the situation might seem. Most anything is possible when people know what to do.
Here’s a quick summary of the strategies:
1. Can you handle the truth? Stop doing anything that you are doing that hurts the relationship. A little honesty goes a long ways here. We have all done things from time to time that have not been helpful to sustaining love and passion.
2. Check Your Vision. Know what you want, not what you don’t want. Most people just wing it day by day, without any idea of what they are working towards together. As a result, they get caught up in the stressors of the moment, instead of the pursuing a vision of what they want their intimate lives to be like.
3. Correct the Polarity. People change over time and it impacts the relationship. People forget what initially captivated the hearts of the couple. If they were to go back to the beginning of the relationship and begin now to interact with each other that way, then things might change surprisingly quickly.
4. Attention and Appreciation. Some things are easy to do, and just as easy not to do. Show your partner more appreciation. Give them your attention when they need it. Give them your reassurance about your commitment instead of subtle and not so subtle hints of your unhappiness and leaving.
5. Button Pushing Push Back. When couples push each other’s buttons arguments tend to escalate. The fastest way out is to remember your heart. Soften up, and bring more playfulness, fun, silliness, and surprise back into your interaction with your partner. Stop taking things, including yourself, so seriously. You’ll enjoy it too.
6. Tropical Storms. Bottled up emotions will come out. Can you have heartfelt understanding for whatever your partner is going through? Can you remember to completely focus on them when they need you? Can you tune into what’s really going on without taking it as a personal attack, because it is not? Give them what they need, not what you think that they need.
7. Me First or Maybe Not. Who is going to initiate the repair or improvement of your relationship? Are you waiting for the other person to give to you because they owe you? If someone doesn’t step forward first and initiate giving to meet their partner’s needs, then things will never change. Many couples are silently waiting for the other person to do something to fix the marriage. Nothing ever changes that way. Take 100% responsibility for the relationship by giving to your partner first.
These strategies have been well tested with the most difficult relationship challenges that you might imagine. They work, and have been effective every time clients have tested them. I urge you to try them out for yourself if you want a happier, more fulfilling relationship.
Having a great marriage is also a choice. We each get to decide how we will interact with our partner despite past events and circumstances. Every moment creates a new opportunity to deepen the connection. What will you choose in any of those moments?
This isn’t about right and wrong, or good and bad. I view relationship strategies through a simple lens; Is what I’m doing right now beneficial, helpful, or supportive to sustaining love and passion in my marriage? If the answer is no, then why are you doing it? You could choose to do something else,… or not. Your marriage happiness will reflect your choice either way. Choose wisely.
The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle, The Only Guide You Will Ever Need to Making Love Last, published by Balboa Press, is available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Balboa Press.