Time for Some Button Pushing Push Back
If you’ve been in your relationship for any reasonable period of time you know that there are times when you don’t always agree with your partner. Maybe you’ve had an argument or two over the years…maybe more than two hundred of them.
In any disagreement or misunderstanding, emotions have a tendency to take over. The self protective mechanism kicks in and the fight to be right is on. Defending your position becomes what matter most. However, the more you defend, the more the other person feels the need to assert their position more aggressively… which causes escalation on your part… and then they escalate further…..and then someone says something they regret….and then sometimes someone says something that cannot be forgiven….and the relationship begins to die.
The reason for the disagreement, or argument is usually not something big. Have you ever been there? Maybe you don’t even remember what caused it.
What people do and say in escalating disagreements can be devastating to the relationship. Your partner will push your buttons and get to you from time to time. You will push your partner’s buttons unknowingly and upset them. In the heat of the moment, anything is possible.
What would happen if you met this button pushing without resistance? What if you responded back in a way that was light hearted, or loving, or playful and unpredictable, would anything change?
If your partner is upset and lashes out at you, and you say “honey, I love you so much and I am so grateful to have you in my life” to whatever tone they use with you, what would happen? Would the argument escalate? Not likely. This one sentence has enough power to completely shift the situation.
If you are able to maintain a soft tone and remember why you love this person and why you are with them you will respond with your heart. And that will immediately stop the escalation.
Test this out for yourself. The next time you find yourself in a defensive position arguing with your significant other say softly “Maybe you ‘re right, I know that I love you so much and I was just thinking about the first moment that I knew I loved you.” If your tone is right, there will be no more argument. Maybe…, just maybe…. this will save your relationship some day.
We are only limited by our willingness to be creative.
If what you are doing is not giving you a result that is beneficial to your relationship, maybe it’s time to try something else. It takes about 10 seconds of courage. Are you up for it?